A little bright side of me...

Despite of tight working schedule,
neverending date lines to catch up,
and a broken heart,


I STILL GOT PLENTY.
little things that can made me happy =)
a whole gang of bhai friends that never fail to cheer me up,
whole clique of ass holes friends that never let me down,
a few nice colleague,
my car, that takes me to places,
my music, Bob marley, Avenged sevenfold, Dave matthews;
my band, my drums, my parents =)

YES... I DO HAVE A LOT

So close yet so far...

This city, which is totally foreign to me, it took me such a long way to reach here, just to see people that are dear to me, which are my everything. somehow, i felt a distant feeling between me and that person, just one person. the person that i wanted to pour my heart out too, but i just couldn't just be my self for a while. inferior complex is in the play.

Face to face, so close yet so far. yes... it could be worst than everything else.
maybe it ain't a good idea after all to come this far; and maybe, i shouldn't had gone on this road trip at all.

hoping is the only thing i could do now. just to bridge the gap, my friend once told me, if u don't have the courage to take the first leap of faith, u will never know what's coming up next; be it success or failure, at least you tried. yes... i totally agree with him...

i hope i will have the courage to master every ounce of confidence i have, to take the first leap, be it success or failure, at least, I TRY.

My prayers to my beloved grandpa...

He's always by my side when i'm young...
His care and love never leaves me.... never...
He is my best pal when i was a toddle...
He makes me toys, takes me out for a scrumptious breakfast and he tell me stories...

As grew older...
I grew away from him...
I got my own friends...
i rarely stays at home...

Until he was ill recently...
I recall and i remembered how much that i love him... just too much
And i felt damn bad...
so bad that it aches and hurts when I'm witting this...
My tears almost fell from my eyes...

Now i wish i could be with him always...
but i couldn't..
Work is keeping me away from him...
that even made me felt worst...

The only thing i can do now is to pray hard...
that he would be ok...
and nothing gonna stop me from going back to see my grandpa...
nothing...
even if i risk my job...

24

A song from Switchfoot.... its poetry and music combined. enjoy.

Twenty four oceans

Twenty four skies

Twenty four failures

Twenty four tries

Twenty four finds me

In twenty-fourth place

Twenty four drop outs

At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was

Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong

With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out

When You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts

But I wan to be one today

Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man

Oh, oh I am the second man now

Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change

Wrestled the angel, for more than a name

For more than a feeling

For more than a cause

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices

With twenty four hearts

With all of my symphonies

In twenty four parts.

I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

If only I could be like Patch Adams...

If only I could be like Patch Adams...
i wonder how my life will change...

If only I could be as funny as Patch Adams...
I will make use of my talent and spread laughter to everyone i dear for...

If only I could be as optimistic as Patch Adams...
I wont let my negative thoughts tie down my wings and stop me from flying...

If only I could be as dedicated as Patch Adams....
I will dedicate my self not only to my work... but to life... and if possible, to mankind...

If only I could be as passionate as Patch Adams....
I will be more exciting in life... i will do and try everything i like..... so i wont die regretting.

If only I could be as brave as Patch Adams...
I would be true to my self and confess to the girl i long for....

If only I only i could be like him...

Not this way..

Life is not going where i wanted it too...

Work is driving me mad. to the level of losing my self... almost... completely...

stress from every singel sources pressed me down... so hard... i can hardly breath...

i'm not gonna lose my sanity this way..

just not this way...

He and She..

its been 1 year...
not too long.. neither short...
there's a girl... caught his attention on first sight when they met after so long....
they met.... they chat and she left..
but she never leaves... she dwells in his heart...
her every sight reflects in his mind like full moon on a peaceful lake..
and deep inside he know... that SHE....... means a lot to him

And then she left... back to the city which she belongs
and for him... he have to carry on his life...
there are too many people for him to ache over...
and he wish he could just seize the day...
the day he met her on tat faithful night...
it was her... that gave him energy to pull through all things...
but... she still don't know that there is a guy which thinks that she means a lot to him....

time drifted by.... months by months...
they are still apart...
but he still thinks of her....
she fell in love with a guy...
she think he's the one...
he found out... he wishes all the best to her...
he thinks... if i have the confidence to ask her out earlier...
she might fall for me...
but he didn't.... he was too afraid... haunted by the pass...
he is still badly hurt .... he tried to recover... but... the past doesn't seems to go away...
if only he have the courage... the courage to confess...
but he is still afraid...
what if she turns him down?
what if she get annoyed and disappear from his life forever ?
what if...
what if...
possibilities seems so endless...
he is just hoping... and hoping...

she text to him one day...
her heart is broken...
so is his....
her tears drops slide down her face like silhouette
as her tears falls...
he bleed... in his heart... silently....
he felt the pain she felt... but he was afraid to tell her...
he don't want to mess up her feelings further...
he stands beside her...
strength less.... helpless as she is....
he's not good at words...
but he's hoping that he could help her...
but he cant...
he felt useless... like a bird without wings...
and he prays....
he hoped...
he wish...
that she could be happy again...
so that he could again see the smile on her face which he long for again....